Relationships, anxieties, heartbreaks and finally becoming content by myself

FASHION, LIFESTYLE

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Last week was mental health awareness week so I decided to write up a post about something I’ve struggled with and that is relationships. I’ve written this post hoping that people will be able to relate and not feel alone. It’s so important that we start speaking up about mental health instead of sweeping it under the mat. This blog has always been a space where I’ve spoken about my experiences and it feels so fab to get feedback and other people sharing their stories or relating to mine. A while ago I wrote a post about living and growing up on a council estate (read here) and the feedback was just amazing. It inspired me to write more about my personal experiences and how I’ve dealt with them.

So, we’ve all experienced heartbreak at some point in our life or even some of you may be going through it right now. The type of heartbreak that shatters you into 15427648274 pieces and you’re trying your best to put yourself back together but none of the pieces seem to fit. The type of heartbreak that leaves you crying for weeks, months, years! The type of heartbreak that makes you feel so many emotions you feel numb. The type of heartbreak that makes you feel like it’s the end of the world and that you will never find love again. I know this is starting to sound like the start of a rom com film but we’ve all been there! I’m glad to say I’m not in that misery anymore and this is why I’m wanting to share my whole experience with it (but pls feel free to still send chocolates, ice cream and flowers my way pls).

Living and growing up on a council estate

FASHION, LIFESTYLE

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“People never make it from council estates” WRONG. “People from council estates are scum of the earth” BULLSHIT. “They’re all on the dole and do nothing for themselves” YAWN. People tend to judge and make assumptions as soon as you mention you come from a council estate. A lot of you who read my blog or follow me on Instagram probably didn’t have a clue I come from a council estate because I don’t look like the stereotypical chavy girl wearing crop tops with track suit bottoms and my hair in a side pony (however, believe me I did go through this stage at one point growing up haha). I used to be so embarrassed to tell people where I come from when they asked because I instantly thought they would have thought less of me and yes I have had some people turn up their nose at me but that instantly made me think a lot less of them as a person. I don’t care anymore, I love where I come from, I’m not ashamed of it and it’s made me who I am today. REAL. I appreciate things more and I’ve always had a lot of empathy for others since being a small child. I know what it’s like to have no money and grow up in the shit and I know how that feels for others going through the same thing. We take care of our own. My estate may not be pretty, it definitely has that grey concrete look everywhere, dingy alley ways and some graffiti on walls but there is a part of me that will always love that. It’s my home.

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For those who always think we sit on our arse all day this is also not true. I’m going to tell you a little bit about my Dad, someone who is truly amazing and I don’t tell him this enough. My dad worked since he was 16 years old and had to give up his second job to look after 6 kids. When my Mum died, he basically became our Mum and Dad all in one. He washed, cooked, cleaned, fed us, took us to school on time every morning, picked us back up and over all just made sure we had everything we needed to help us get through a dark time. I developed a lot of anxiety at a young age which gradually got worse in my teens and still to this day I struggle with it now. Being at college and having anxiety basically got in the way of me getting a job, and I really needed a job. Anxiety literally takes any energy and motivation out of you and it would make me feel so shit when an ex would just call me ‘lazy’ clearly never understanding. I got my first job when I was 19 after going through another rough patch of complete heartbreak because I wanted to prove to myself that I could work even if it was a struggle for me. There are so many things I am proud of and achieved which I never thought I would. My anxiety is a lot more under control and I’m able to enjoy my life so much more, I got into uni! (possibly the first person on my estate to go to uni haha) and I am so so so proud of my blog. Something I wanted to start a verrrrrrrrry long time ago but obvs had too many anxieties about it. But here I am, with a forever growing following and people who actually love to read my blog. I have met so many lovely people who I can call my friends through this blog and I’m so happy I kicked my lil butt to start this little page.

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Can I just say, It’s not all that bad living on a council estate y’know. I don’t want you to have a picture in your head of me working in the coal mine haha. My fondest memory was going to Wales every year with the family, being beside the sea with candy flossĀ and ice cream and going to the fun fair. I remember going on my first holiday abroad and thinking ‘this is just like Wales but for posh people’ LOL it was only Benidorm. I remember playing out on the estate with the other kids who just understood me, making up dance routines to the Spice Girls and waiting for my Nan to come round so I could show her whilst she drank a cup of Yorkshire tea and buying the girls weekly gossip mag just so I could have the free lip gloss that came with it. There was so much fun and the kids I played with I can still call my friends today. I may not see them a lot and we may be into completely different things but they are always there whenever I need them and that is true friendship.

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Coat – Primark (similar) | Glasses – Depop (similar) | Band Tee – Forever 21 | Denim Flares – Forever 21

Luckily my Dad has cool music taste so I didn’t grow up listening to chav rave music. I grew up listening to The Clash, Sex Pistols, Human League, David Bowie, Rolling Stones which are all my favourite bands still today. Growing up listening to that music was the reason why I also had an interest in fashion, I didn’t want to dress like everybody else I wanted to look different. I didn’t want to have a baby at the age of 16 and be stuck at home on the estate, I wanted to see what was out there in the real world. I wanted to go to gigs and festivals and meet other people who wanted to do the same thing. I do get some funny looks when walking around my estate now, they look at me as if I come from other planet, purely because I’m wearing something they would never dream of wearing. But I still NEVER feel intimidated walking past a gang of lads because deep down I’m still the same old lil Starr who once used to speak to those gangs of lads. It’s nice to see them sometimes and be greeted with “Alright Starr!” instead of an intimidated look. Some of them doing well with a job and car etc and some of them not doing so well but we all come from the same place and like I said, we take care of our own.

This post was a little bit more personal than the usual and I was a bit worried about sharing this with you but I just wanted to give you the idea that not everyone from a council estate is a piece of poo. Have faith in us! People expect nothing from us and this is why some of us end up staying in the same old place forever.

All ma love to ya,

Starr

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